Keeping mum's sense of self

While some new mums embrace motherhood with barely a backward glance, others are looking in the rear-vision mirror at their pre-baby life filled with sadness, resentment or regret. Says mum-of-three Jen: “I recall driving to work one morning thinking, ‘Someone else is living my fabulous life while I’m stuck with three exhausting kids!’”

Perhaps you also pine for your old, carefree self, the one who always looked good, had loads of spare time, a vibrant career and an active social life? Well it’s perfectly natural to feel like this, says counselling psychologist Meredith Fuller. “There is a death of the old self and you really do have to go through that sense of mourning,” she says. “Like all of the steps in a woman’s life – puberty, leaving home, marriage – having children means letting go of one path and opening up a new one.”

It can be especially hard if you’ve forfeited a stimulating career, lots of travel or your social life, have few friends with young kids, or find that parenting isn’t all you dreamed. “It also depends on what sort of baby you have and what’s going on in your life at the time,” says Meredith. “You’re gaining more, but there can be a sense of loss.”

Acknowledging that loss without guilt is a crucial first step. “It’s okay to say, ‘Yes, there are gains, but I also feel resentful about some things’. A lot of women have this rose-coloured-glasses idea that [motherhood] should be perfect and brilliant, and that makes it more difficult.”

Holding on to your sense of self
Not only is it possible to retain a little of the old you, it’s imperative to do so, argues Mia Renee Redrick, author of Time for Mom-me: 5 Essential Strategies for a Mother’s Self-Care.

“For mothers, a lack of self-care surfaces slowly and quietly. We can no longer identify what we like to read or movies we enjoy seeing... One day we become unfamiliar with the person we once were.” She says you can avoid ‘fading away’ by adding yourself to your priority list. For Jen, this means making time for cooking, singing and catching up with girlfriends. “I’ve learned to take responsibility for what I want out of life,” she says.

Don’t be a martyr mum
“Sometimes we get this idea that as soon as I have a baby I have to be a selfless martyr, I’m not allowed to look attractive or have any needs anymore,” says Meredith. While your focus is on bub, it’s okay to be self-indulgent occasionally, too. Enlist the help of your partner, family or a childcare service so you can make time for the things you enjoy. “It’s about getting the balance right and saying, ‘I have needs and wants and if I get those met I will be better able to meet [my baby’s].”

Keep up the social life
Strong social ties are good for your wellbeing, reducing stress, depression and disease, and your friendships are healthy for your kids, too! A UK study has found children whose parents have healthy social lives perform better at school than those whose parents cocoon. To keep in touch, you might just have to do things differently, Meredith says. “If it takes you two hours to get out of the house, have your single girlfriends come to your place instead.”Vary your mates
It’s great to befriend mums who are going through similar experiences, but,says Meredith, “you also need a girlfriend

who hasn’t had a baby who can say, ‘My God, darling! Look at your hair, I’m dragging you off to the hairdressers!’ This is someone who can remind you of those other aspects of yourself.”
Get switched on

“What makes me feel like my old self is keeping up with fashion, news and gossip, and laughing with my friends through Facebook, Skype, calls and emails,” says single mum-of-one, Elaine. Stay connected to the outside world by joining a social networking site and going online while bub is napping.
Get support
It’s hard to go from self-reliant woman to vulnerable mum, so don’t be afraid to ask wise elders and experienced mums for help. “When we become a mother we think we’re supposed to know it all and [be perfect],” Meredith says.

“One way to hold on to yourself is to remember that there are people who love and care for you... and that it’s okay to ask for help.”
Something old...

If you feel like you’re fading away, revisit a favourite hobby, café or hang out, or catch up with school friends or work mates who knew you pre-baby.
...Something new

Just don’t get too bogged down in the past, Meredith warns. “Part of the joy of all this is that you discover new parts of yourself.” Do a part-time course, get a makeover, try new hobbies.

Get some sleep!
New mums lose up to 750 hours of sleep in bub’s first year, so enlist help, switch off your gadgets and get snoring. Sleep regulates mood, reduces depression, improves relationships and makes everything look better, including you!
Be patient
For some of us, the transition won’t happen overnight. “It took me years to relax into parenting,” says mum-of-one Tammy. “I was still a bit of a party girl for a while, but in the last few years

I’ve become much more connected to my son and I’m happier in the role.”

Rekindle the romance
Sometimes all you need is to slip on a sexy dress and have a night out with your man. This works well for mum-of-two Katrina: “The kids go to my in-laws and we go on ‘old-style’ dates, like a movie and cheap dinner. All is decided at the last minute, like we used to do before we had children. We chat and remember why we like each other.”

Try to steer clear of baby talk and you’ll feel replenished and happier to return home. “If you never leave your baby you don’t get the chance to miss them,” adds Meredith.

Celebrate the new you
There’s plenty to be gained from saying goodbye to ‘me’ and hello to ‘mummy’! “We would be so bored if we didn’t grow and change and develop,” says psychologist Meredith Fuller. “The identity you had prior to being a mother is just one element of you. It’s like a coloured wheel that we’re adding more colours to. Before the baby you might not have been very patient or you might have had things out of perspective, but now you’ve got this added wisdom, sassiness and awareness. You end up being more than the sum of the parts before.” That’s how mother-of-two Sam feels. “My children really unravel a part of who I am,” she says. “There is a new maturity and that’s a really positive thing.”

Seek professional help
Still feeling disillusioned or yearning for your old life? Talk to your early childcare nurse or GP, or contact the Australian Psychological Societyto find an accredited psychologist. See www.psychology.org.au or call 1800 333

Article from Practical Parenting Magazine, written by Christina Larmer.

Buying for Baby

Buying for a new baby can be an exciting but sometimes daunting task, especially if it is the first time.
Here is a list you can use as a guide to get you started on the items that will really come in useful in this time ahead.

You will notice that every item on the list is in either red or black writing. The items in red are the essentials, and those in black are some accessories that may help to make life a little easier.

BEDTIME Suggested quantity
Bassinette / Bassinette mattress 1
Cot / Cot mattress 1
Mattress protector 1
Sheets 3 sets
Blankets 2 - 3
Cuddle rug / wraps 3
Sleeping Bag 1
Quilt 1
Bumper 1
Mobile
Nightlight 1
Baby Monitor 1
Sleep wedge 1

PLAY TIME Suggested quantity
Bumbo Seat 1
Bouncinette 1
Playgym / mat 1
Rattles
Excerciser & stand 1
Books/DVD's/Music
Swing 1

BATH & CHANGING Suggested quantity
Baby bath 1
Face cloths / towels 2 - 3
Cotton towel 2
Changing pad 1
Nappy bucket 1 - 2
Baby brush & comb 1 set
Bath insert 1
Change table 1
Bath toys / holders
Nail clippers 1
Baby wipes 1
Nappy disposal unit 1
Shampoos, creams

FEEDING Suggested quantity
Highchair 1
Bibs 6
Highchair spill mat 1
Bottles (if expressing or bottle fed) 2 - 6
Teats (if expressing or bottle fed) 2 - 6
Bottle brush (if expressing or bottle fed) 2 - 6
Pacifier 2 - 6
Steriliser 1
Bottle warmer 1
Medicine spoon 1
Breast shields 1
Nursing pads 6 pairs
Breast pump 1
Feeding pillow 1
Nipple cream 1
Mother' feeding chair 1

OUT & ABOUT Suggested quantity
Pram / stroller 1
Capsule / Convertible Carseat 1
Baby Carrier Front Carrier or Sling 1
Baby Backpack (For Baby from 4 months) 1
Nappy bag 1
Pram liner 1
Pram foot muff 1
Stormcover for the pram 1
UV sunshade for the pram 1
Head snuggler 1
Sunshades for the car 1
Pram toys
Portable cot & mattress 1
Baby on Board sign 1
Baby view mirror 1

HEALTH & SAFETY Suggested quantity
Door / stair barrier
Playpen 1
Bedrail 1
Vaporizer / refills 1
Thermometer 1
Anti slip bath insert mat 1
Cupboard safety locks
Sun cream (for warmer months) 1

CLOTHING Suggested quantity
Vests summer 6
Vests winter 6
Nappies (clothlike or disposable) 36
Nappy pins (for cloth nappies) 8
Re-usable Cloth Nappies 20
Socks / Booties 4 pairs
Hats 2
Cuddle rugs 3
Scratch mittens (for Newborns) 4
Bodysuits 4
Sleepsuits / nightgowns 2

Out and About Checklist

While out and about with your baby, most of the time it will go smoothly, but it is always wise to be prepared for the worst.
I have conducted a checklist of things to take with you when out and about with your baby, some of which can be kept in the boot of your car so you always have them with you.

Baby will need...

• Car seat
• Head support cushion
• Window shades
• Pram/Stroller with protective cover
• Sling or pouch
• Well-stocked nappy bag
• Wet wipes for cleaning up
• Damp wash cloths for cleaning up
• Change of clothes for baby
• Bibs
• Baby's blanket
• Baby UV suncream
• Sunhat with brim
• Dummies
• Formula and bottles (if formula feeding)
• Non-messy foods, things like dried fruit are ideal
• Plenty of drinking water
• Toys and music to keep baby entertained
• Baby's sleep time music
• A still or video camera
• First aid kit and any prescriptions/medications
• Plastic bags for rubbish

For yourself bring:

• Your purse/wallet
• Mobile phone
• Food and water
• Directions/map
• Spare set of keys

Choosing a Carseat

It is extremely important that your child is secured safely in the correct child restraint. It has been proven time and time again that child carseats that are correctly fitted save lives. Always select a child seat approved to the Australian Standard.

Infant
Infant restraints are designed for babies up to 9kg and less than 70cm in length and have an inbuilt harness system. Before moving to a child seat,your child must be able to sit and easily hold their head upright – talk to your GP or Early Childhood Nurse if you need guidance. Never carry your child in your arms. In a crash you will not be able to hold onto your child.

Young children
Child seatsare designed for babies and toddlers who weigh from 9 to
18kgs. The restraint is held in place by the adult seat belt and the top tether strap. The seat faces forward and incorporates a six-point harness. You may be tempted to move your child into a booster seat when a new brother or sister comes along. This is not recommended.

Older children
For children between 14kg and 26kg abooster seat is needed to enable a child to use the adult seat belt. Boosters with high backs and sides provide support for a sleeping child. Make sure the sash part of the belt is on the child’s shoulder, not on the child’s neck or off the shoulder. Use a booster seat until your child’s eyes are level with the top of the back seat and only then can your child begin using an adult seat belt. Do not move your child out of a booster seat too early.

Convertible restraints can be used as both an infant restraint and a child seat, and in some cases as a booster seat. When used for a baby, it is designed for the baby to lie facing the back of the vehicle. Convertible restraints are attractive for parents and carers because they cater for a wider range of child ages and sizes.
However there are more things that can go wrong when using a convertible restraint because they have to try to perform two functions. This can result in them having to make compromises. Sometimes they are not significantly cheaper than buying two separate restraints.

Child harnesses are suitable for children 14 to 32kg. Child harnesses are designed to be used with a booster until your child grows out of it (at 26kg) and then without a booster until the child reaches 32kg.

Adult seat belts should be used when the child is too big for a booster seat. Do not put children in lap-only belts as they can cause severe or fatal abdominal injuries in a crash.


Installing the restraint
Read and follow all labels and instructions carefully when installing the restraint and securing your child.
If the instructions have been lost most child restraint manufacturers will mail out a copy on request.
The safest position to carry a child is the centre position of the rear seat. Where possible install your child restraint in this position, except in the case of a booster seat where a lap only seat belt is available.
Check that the top tether strap is firmly connected to the anchor point and adjusted every time the restraint is used.
Make sure there are no twists in any straps or belts, and that these are taut and firm, but not too tight and rigid.
Always keep the instructions that came with the restraint in the glove box. This will help if you need to adjust straps or fit the restraint again.

Getting a professional to install the restraint
Many parents/carers fit a child restraint into their car themselves believing that it is easy. However it is really a job that needs to be taught by an approved restraint fitter, or at least have the restraint checked before placing your child in the car.

For a small charge, a trained installer can fit your restraint or check it to ensure it is installed correctly.

Nuchal Translucency Test

Nuchal is a collection of fluid under the skin ot that back of a unborn babies neck which can be measured between 11 weeks - 13 weeks and 6 days of gestation via ultrasound. All babies have some of this fluid, but most Down Syndrome babies have higher amounts of this fluid.

The Nuchal Translucency (NT) test is done in conjuntion with a blood test usually done in the first trimester at about 10 weeks gestation. This test does not give a definate diagnosis, but will estimate the risk of your baby having Down Syndrome which will help you decide if you would like to have further testing done such as an amniocentesis.
The sonographer will take information about things that can influence the results such as age, weight, and your history of chromosomal abnormality. These will give you a "background risk", but combined with your blood test results and NT scan results it will adjust your risk which may be higher or lower than your background risk.
Results are 90% accurate when combined with a blood test.

Results are calculated within half an hour if you had your blood test before the NT scan, if not then the results will be ready in the next 48 hours.

Results are given in a probability form, so if your results were, for example, 1:100 your risk of having a baby with chromosomal abnormalities is one in one hundred. If your chances are below 1:100 (1:1-1:100) then a doctor or obstetrician will discuss your options in the way of diagnostic tests.

Amniocentesis

Amniocentesis is a specialised diagnostic test done between 15 and 18 weeks gestation that involves a small amount of amniotic fluid from your womb. This test will tell you if your unborn baby has any chromosomal abnormalities, if its lungs are mature and what sex your baby is. The results of a amniocentesis is a definate result.

Not every one needs a amniocentesis, mainly women who would like to do further testing for chromosomal abnormalities will have a amniocentesis. The option is there for all women to make if they wish. A amniocentesis can be performed after 18 weeks to check the maturity of a babies lungs.

A amniocentesis is performed by a doctor using a ultrasound to identify a safe pocket of amniotic fluid away from your baby and placenta. The doctor will then instert a thin, long and hollow needle into your abdomen into the pocket of amniotic fluid. The doctor will then collect about 20mls of amntiotic fluid. The test takes about 30 minutes to conduct.

The risks of miscarriage from a amniocentesis is around 1 in 200. About 1 in 200 women will develop a infection or some other complication that can then lead to miscarriage. Some women will leak amniotic fluid or lose a small amount of blood from their vagina. If you expereince any of these symptoms, or other symptoms that could indicate a infection, call your doctor immediately.

Results from a amniocentesis will be available to you after 14 days, but at a extra cost it is possible to get the results within 36 hours.

Caring for Baby Teeth

Some people would have you believe that caring for your toddlers teeth is not important, that it’s the adult teeth that are the most important. This is not entirely true.

Baby teeth are important to help your child’s face and jaw develop properly, and hold the proper space for adult teeth to grow.
They need healthy teeth to bite and chew food, and painful and decaying teeth can limit food intake and can slow their body from growing.
Severe infections can cause dental abscesses and general health problems, and can cause older children to become self conscious as a result of black or broken teeth and smelly breath.

There are a number of rumours that breastfeeding causes tooth decay; this is not true. Breasktmilk actually protects against tooth decay. Bottle fed babies and toddlers are found to have a higher risk of having tooth decay, even higher if they are bottle fed over night.

It is best to start brushing your child’s teeth when they first start to cut through. Starting with once a day and gradually moving up to twice a day as they get more teeth is ideal.
Use a small, soft bristled toothbrush without toothpaste until at least two years old. You can then introduce a low fluoride toothpaste until around the age of 8 when your child can then use a normal adult toothpaste.
Do not scrub your child’s teeth, brush them gently in a circular motion on top, behind and in front of each of your child’s teeth.

If your child loses a tooth prematurely due to a accident, do not try to put the tooth back as this can cause more trauma to the gum and growing adult teeth. Seek dental help as soon as possible to manage possible trauma to the lip, gums, tongue or cheeks. Failure to do so can cause damage to the developing adult teeth and gums.

Majority of babies and young children will resist having their teeth brushed, do not give in.